The Strength Inside

Does anyone else feel like they can only start eating right or working out on a Monday or at the beginning of a new month? It’s as if we feel like we have to start fresh in every way. April was supposed to be my month. I was going to start eating better, getting in shape, and being an all-around healthier person. Now we’re eight days in and that hasn’t happened. At all. So now I’m telling myself I’ll start tomorrow. It’s a Monday and that’s how this works right?

But I’m worried I won’t start tomorrow. If I’m being honest, I think I’m scared. It’s been eight months and thirty pounds since I had my son. I haven’t stepped foot in a gym in that time, I don’t drink enough water, and salads are not on my dinner menu. This is the worst shape I’ve ever been in my life and I don’t know how my body is going to react when I pick up those weights or lace up my running shoes. I’m scared. I’m scared of pain. I’m scared of change. But more than anything, I’m scared of failing.

I’m scared that my body will betray me. I’m scared that my body will not do what I need it to do. I’m scared that I won’t have the strength.

But then I remember – I remember that eight months and thirty pounds ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. It was incredibly painful. I didn’t have any pain medication. And it took everything I had.

But I did it. I mustered up everything I had inside of me and I pushed that baby out. I focused through all that pain and used that energy to push me forward. I was stronger than I had ever been. I couldn’t believe the strength that my body held inside and I couldn’t believe I had done it, even when my baby was on my chest.

Everybody talks about how amazing childbirth is. Everybody talks about how beautiful of an experience it is and how much love you feel for that little bundle of joy in your arms. And all of that is true. But what people don’t talk about enough is how much it changes you, how much it changes your relationship with yourself.

I have never been more proud of myself than in that moment. My body and my mind were stronger than I could’ve ever hoped. And that’s what I have to remember. When I’m scared of my body failing me, when I’m worried I won’t succeed – I remember that I have the strength. My body is strong, stronger than I could have ever believed. And if my body can give birth to my wonderful, beautiful son, then it can certainly give birth to a new me.

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