I was going to come home to smiling faces and open arms. I was going to be well-rested, refreshed, calm, and collected. I was going to take care of my son and give my husband a break. And I was going to give my husband the attention he deserves. I was going to do all of these things.
But I didn’t.
I had the best intentions. Truly I did. But then I got off the plane, got my bags, and headed outside to meet my husband. He was nowhere to be found. I called him and we quickly realized he wasn’t in the right place. In trying to give him directions, we ended up getting in an argument. Voices were raised and names were called.
I got in the car and we headed home. My son had been in the car for hours and he was over it. He wouldn’t stop crying. I tried feeding him. I gave him all the toys at my disposable. I tried everything. His tears just kept coming. I read somewhere once that pregnancy hormones actually reprogram mother’s brains to react differently to their baby’s cries. I wholeheartedly believe this to be true because when he cries, it physically hurts me. After waking up at 3AM and flying all day long – my head was pounding. Lincoln’s cries were only exasperating my headache and I wanted to make him feel better so much that it hurt. After listening to him scream for 40 minutes, I snapped. I held my head and I cried.
This is not how this was supposed to go.
I was supposed to come home to smiling faces and open arms. I wasn’t supposed to argue with my husband or become frustrated with my son. This was supposed to be a happy time.
While my return didn’t go exactly as I’d hoped – I did end my day cuddling my son and putting him to bed. I spent time with my husband and we talked and we laughed. While everything may not have gone according to plan, I ended my day happy. And I am so grateful to be home.